:)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i seriously think that we should start laughing everyday since God gave us an amazing day to begin with everyday! felt that i have missed out so much in life especially the people. this year's rhema is super different from last year. last year i totally enjoyed the games and definitely with ya. oh well this year's rhema, i seriously think the workshop speakers did an awesome job about impacting their audience cause i felt it and i really did learnt from it. thank God for these people :) another bunch of people are those who are so dear to me. firstly it was grace who i know that i can always count on her with all my sorrows, complains and stupidity but knowing that at the end of the day she still accept the way i was. indeed having someone believed in you is the greatest thing one can ever receive. also, thank God for her, for showing me a totally different light of seeing things and next bringing me to a whole new level of a lifestyle which i am faithfully going to embark in. hopefully i would always remember her words and live out my new life. God has really spoken to me through her and i am really thankful for that. :) secondly is joanne, hardly calls her honeypi nowadays cause she doesn't really seem to respond haha..we catch (like literally) a movie planet 51 and i could still hear her words ringing in my mind,"so many people wanna watch movie with me also cannot ok!" haha she's so weird. i got to spend time with her and that time is really precious :) thirdly was elo! my super weird random cutie friend! love her to the max, and i love her smile, a smile which only she can do and a smile that would make me smile no matter how horrible my day is HAHA :) and the funny thing about her in this rhema is her contribution to games day 2! she didn't even help to throw the wet tissue BUT she said she contributed by talking to the game marshal to distract her from counting her mistakes! HAHA how lovely can she get man.. she just so rock. its really sad that she didn't sign up for REAL cause i am sure she would enjoy and benefit from it but its too late.. how i wish i had convinced her more though at the last day i was still persuading her before i handed my application to pastor. :( i really wanna spend my jan and feb with her, us three walking together hand in hand STC. i am sure God would have other things in mind for her. haha so many things cropped up like i was so sleepy and tired and took a nap before meeting elvina and in the end also because of the slow printer, i was late and has made her wait for me for super long.. :( i was super lethargic and very sleepy so usually i would wanna kill someone but i was in a super good mood! haha today's a happy day! :) thank God :)

3rd dec 2009

yes today is the day, today is the day. everything is over. one of my worse exams are over and i couldn't be happier! went to watch case 39 and its almost like the orphan which is a pretty scary but interesting show. its a thought-provoking day. many things i've missed out and these happen to be the things that i really care.

cell girls. after talking to someone who was once a CM, I realised how badly I failed being one myself. come to think of it, neither was I a good co-CM. but thankfully for God's grace, He has given me really wonderful girls who I would never thought that we could clique so well, especially elvina and tiffy. three years apart but God has surprised me with them and I am really thankful for them. serving was tough when I not only have to manage the people under me but also with the skills that a leader should possess but the two of them really made it easier and make this route of mine a lot happier. as long as I'm still in r-age with them, I will make sure that they would always have a listening ear and with my best abilities, I will ensure that they won't be alone.

you. I am really speechless when it comes to you. sometimes I really wish you could pop up when I turn my head to the right but its impossible. but yet, I won't wanna see you when the time's possible cause I wouldn't know what to say to you. all I would say is, too bad you've forgotten. people just need to be constantly cared for. I'm sorry.

family. hard in our situation for us to stay close, literally. It takes effort I know, and the world no matter whether its work or people, has separated us. busy has took all three of us away. I will try my very best to compensate what we have lost.

saltshakers. today when I met annabelle and ivan with elo, when I saw ivan, its when I know that somehow I don't have the same feeling like what I felt a year ago. suddenly I feel like I dunno them as saltshakers but as individuals. though after service I would run to them and spend some time with them but unknowingly, I have referred to them as joanne, elsa, charlene, ivan, aaron, josh, russell, jess, hilary and kenneth, no longer saltshakers. I hardly even see cheryl now. how I wish I could turn the clock back to a year ago, when we are still so close, have the same tune and share the same self-active living testimony. I miss them terribly I realised. I will make the effort for us to be together again, I would.

elo. though I've known her like real long, four years, but its only today then I realise how much she has changed, grew. sometimes I feel that we can talk about anything but at times, I know that we still aren't close yet, not to the point when she would flare up at or complain to me. she's a really special girl and friend who amazes me with her answers and maturity. this friendship is one that I would never want to give up cause I dunno why its when she is around then I feel accepted and know that she would understand. I will make sure this friendship grows.

ya. half of the time, we cliqued perfectly. the other half, either one of us is polar bear or penguin, one at north and the other at south pole. actually what I realised is that most of the conflicts that we've had are due to the fact that we cared for each other and don't wanna lose each other. there is really no room for comparison and nothing to compare at all cause God is the centre of our friendship to begin with, to continue from any point and at the ending line. without any words, we knew we can never lose each other and yes, just each other's presence is really all that we need. I will never let us go and I am glad that we faced As together cause its one of the toughest time.

lengshan; always a saltshaker

nice things just come unexpectedly ><

it was definitely a surprise when I saw this orange water bottle today! its really really nice and I love it!!! hmmm but its really weird when the last person you would wanna see appears in front of you..yeah and I got that, not today la.. but oh well, I feel like I am "tou qing". sounds wrong yes but the guilt is there yeah..

HAHA you are conspicuous and this you would never know, no one in this world is able to tell you. the sky is cloudy for swen, but the toy shop is open for me today because the first thing that caught my eye was the big lazy cat! =)

lengshan; =)

when september ends

annoyed at myself. irritated with myself. its on and off. I have no idea if the answer to the question that I keep asking people is a yes or no myself. sometimes I think grey lines are good, but in this case, no it is not. you should be concentrating on sth worth investing which benefits people, and not yourself. the situation isn't that grave and nothing has been revealed to the surface entirely so no worries. you have to think logically but not based on feelings. you might think you have the whole thing under control and that it would work out, but when things get going, you find that you've lost your objective and that perfect dream which you fantasise before will soon burst before your eyes.

people are just a difficult issue cause they make you use alot of your tissues. how nice. photos stay and they won't fade away, smiles remain and you would find yourself either smiling like an idiot, or crying like an idiot. people just don't get what you are trying to say, even though you might ask them to do this but not actually meaning it, they would follow and obey what you say, and not whats in your heart. I have no idea what to do with this, probably I should let it stand, or just let it fall once and for all. honestly, I see no future and probably I should just, see how. ok, you are like a mystery yet not. you are either too smart for me to probe into, or too innocent that I wont think about what you are thinking. how much I wanted to blurt everything out. but I know it will change everything. a part of me is telling me that what I was thinking about is garfield, not you. you do not live in my life, and thats all I can say now, so far.

have you had the feeling in which initially you wanted this thing so badly to happen, but when its about to happen, you actually don't want it and somewhat regreted it? everytime I see you, thats how I feel. everytime. I have absolutely no idea how much I have given up my time and effort, to yes, do silly things for you, without you knowing.

I dunno what you want, and neither do you know my heart.

thank God for her ")

yes I finally let her know how I feel and how she felt about me.. and oh well, it turns out good! hopefully she understands that both of us are of equal status and none of us are more superior than the other.. ok I admit I hadn't make the time to try to understand her, her needs, her fears and her honest and true opinions about me.. but as long as I am reminded, I would make out time for her.. I dunno how am I going to do it or whats going to happen but I know God has a purpose for placing the two of us together and neither of us should give up yeah?

she's awesome and good at everything that I fall short of, and this I am very sure. no matter who is closer to any of our sheep or who spices up the cell, hey my dear, I just wanna tell you know that you are great, in fact, I wish I could be like you, always having the confidence to teach and definitely lead worship. I am really bad at both and I know it, so I'm glad God had you to help me cover up in these areas. we were friends before we worked together, and I know we both had problems with each other and with this ministry as partners. both of us have expectations for each other because we both knew each other before working together..honestly, this year had been more than just fun, its a deep and a pretty strong friendship. yeah thats how I feel and as long as we are both working and looking towards the same goal, God himself will be our strength and we need not be afraid of each other and what's in the future. cause hey, with the same focus, which I am really glad of, everything can be settled. everything can be solved. don't need to worry about anything. I know I can count on you ><

lengshan; love this girl ")

the inevitable

the closer, the harder it is to let go.
the worse the missing, the more you want to run and forget.
the more the pain, the harder it is to cry.

I wouldn't want that day to come, please God, keep them all four with me.

lengshan; treasure

unseen words

you are a gift from God, so do not attempt to mould yourself in anyone's image. you are an individual and should be permitted to be yourself.

do not compare yourself with others who outshine you.

discipline yourself with firmness and reason. do not let your anger throw you off balance.

hope that you will not have everything your little heart desires otherwise you will never know the thrill of earning, the joy of deserving too.

do not make threats in anger or impossible promises when you are in your generous mood.

remember that there is dignity in hard work, whether it is performed with calloused hands that shovel coal or skilled fingers that handle surgical instruments. a useful life is a blessed one and that a life of ease and pleasure-seeking is empty and meaningless.

hope that you will not be protected from every small blow and disappointment because adversity strengthens character and makes us compassionate but trouble is the great equalizer, learn it.

love God and your fellow men. God didn't send us to worship service and bible class, He took us there, He took us to His house..

lengshan; adversity.

Bless The Broken Road by Rascal Flatts

Bless The Broken Road

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rollin' home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

love :)

passion makes the world go round,
but love makes it a safer place :)

lengshan; :)

You're here with me

this is such an amazing weekend.
we went to church of singapore, oh well, with an open mind of course.
I missed the worship, but sat for the sermon.
it was a pretty normal sermon, nothing special, but without this sermon, I really wont be a step closer to my Heavenly Father.
the preacher talks about how God has blessed us richly everyday, just that we failed to see that coming, because we focused on ourselves.
God also have His unique way of answering prayers, our prayers. alot of times, we desire God to respond the way we wanted, helped and saved us the way we wanted. but we must bear in mind that God can work in unexpected ways.

the preacher told us this story,
there was a man who was about to drowned, so he prayed, "dear God, please save me!" and he genuinely trusted the Lord. believe that God would saved him. Just then came a boat, and the driver said, "hey, I can save you, just come up." but interestingly, the man said, "no no no, my God will save me!" so the boat went off. then, the water level rose higher, and the man saw a higher ground and so he went up. again, he prayed, "dear God, please save me!" Just then, a helicopter came. the ladder was let down to this man, but again, the man rejected, "no no no, my God will save me!" so the helicopter flew off. the water rose higher, and this time, the man drowned and died.
so he was being brought up to Heaven. Seeing God face to face, he asked God, "God, why didn't you save me? I trusted and I believed!" then God said, "I've sent people to save you, but you rejected them." then the man replied, "but God, I wanted you to open up the Heavens, I wanted You to reach down and save me!"

haha most of us are just like that, we wanted things our way, outcomes to happen the way we wanted, and sometimes, we wanted God to save, heal and speak to us in the way we requested for.

oh well, thats part of the sermon. then the preacher talks about pray and how God has blessed us frequently and how much He has blessed us. so she asked us to write down a prayer list. I wrote down alot, hehe.. but somehow, I just had one thing in mind at that moment, that I just wanted God to be here with me. I guessed God knew what I needed, and that is just Him and Him alone. so this service had a post-sermon worship, which isn't technically like altar call worship yeah..and guessed what! God showed me in the song that "You're here with me." I was like pretty taken aback, speechless somehow, but just merely smiled, knowing that hey, God cares and He has shown me! wow, its really been long since I've had this feeling, this awesome touch from Him. He answered my prayer (#1).

Today we went this graduation thing going on, and I really dread waking up so early. Last year, I managed to pull through because I woke up at this timing every sunday, but not this time, cause I have no cell on sunday mornings haha. anyway, I thought I wanted to give ya a surprise that I would meet her at the bus stop that she usually alights and walked together with her to church! but stupid me, plan a failed surprise. cause I waited for her at the opposite bus stop! arghh, I feel really dumbed, oh well, she doesn't get it, so oh well, nvm... but this kind of surprises should be nice isn't it? so when tiffy called me and told me that ya was here already, I was like oh my gosh, I knew it! so I ran to church, then there was this bicycle behind me, so I stopped running, stepped aside and let him cross first. and gosh you know what he said to me! he said, "keep running, girl, keep running!" and the song that was playing in my mp3 is "I will run to you"! wow, another surprise! what a different feeling to get a surprise from God! ok then the graduation ice breaker thing was really funny! keep laughing and laughing! haha! oh but most importantly, I love this graduation worship and I would remembered it. unknowingly, God shown me He cared, again. the second song we sang was in your hands, so close, where God told me again, that "You're here with me". He answered my prayer (#2).

I just thought that hmmm, a coincidence? I continued on thinking about those words, when the third song came, so obviously, "You're here with me". shocked, speechless, smiled. He answered my prayer (#3). never had I once in my life, when, honestly, I didn't seek so hard, so badly, yet He still comfort me. It shall always be my prayer, until He reveals again. Thank God.

lengshan; speechless before God ><

TS

how difficult to maintain, how difficult to fully express one's feelings, how difficult to trust the person completely, trusting that she would understand.
I felt super stressed yesterday, not sure why. Its just that everything appears to be going well, but not my heart. It felt burdened. as usual, I took my notes and head off to bed. feeling really restless, I dunno what to do. It was then I realised how long haven I been reading the bible and how long haven I been praying for people, as now that I was too cropped up with studies, or have I?
Light of the world, how difficult to shine when everyone's shining. yet, the dark seems so dark that you can actually shine easily. I guess only Christ has that ability, not me.
next morning, I took a different bus route to school. I woke up early just to make sure I won't be late. I love the 5, 171 bus route cause there would be hardly any njcians. I don't exactly know the reason as to why I like it, but I just appreciate the space and time for myself and God. I set off, with God in mind, but I failed. I turned to something so insignificant and my whole mind, the whole time was just all about it. even while I was doing both papers today, it didn't fail to stay in my head the entire period. I will find some ways to get it over, somehow.
on bus 5, there was this little girl, about age of 6, who is being accompanied by her grandpa on her way to school. she so innocently, counted the number of people who board the bus, loudly. looking at her, I recalled back the previous night about what my aunt told me about how adorable the girls in my family look when they were young. This made me miss my cousins in aus so so so much..especially andrea. this lovely angelic cousin of mine is always so sweet. now that she has done our family proud cause she's won some really awesome award so she'll be representing western aus to compete in Brisbane! so proud of her!! haven seen them for real long, and I really wanna hold them in my arms before they grow up. no turning back time is really a bad thing. same goes for age, you just cannot be younger. oh well, thats something we would have to adapt and live with.

lengshan; you're not sorry

this should be what you are thinking

it is not His power or the miracles that He perform
it is the love of Christ
that draws people

its on this time.

it came back again. since I've hold on for more than one year, I can hold on for another 6 months. I will try to hide it, even when I have to act like a stranger to that person, just in case he suspects, I would. there's a reason for this 6 months that I am giving myself, to give it all that I've got, hoping to match up to you. that 6 months start on 13th sep, and it goes a multiple of threes, oh well, three is my favourite number.

a lot of times it feels like a one-sided thing. I wonder if its wrong, whether its bad, but many times, I feel that its worth it, to invest my time and effort. its okie, until I run out of energy and the perseverance, I won't give up and would be waiting. nothing should be changed, and it shall remain a secret.

I am happy the way things are now, though at times I wanted more, but I shan't be selfish. I don't want you to change because of me, for I like the way you are now. we'll see how, see how much we both change after 3+3=6 months.

lengshan; triple tr____ tragedy

moment by moment

1 June
If ever you're feeling low, down and away from God, P-U-S-H, pray until something happens.

1 June
We live not merely for ourselves but for the honour of the One who made us to worship and enjoy Him forever! life is short, live for God!

6 June
God is larger than the events that seem to contradict God's goodness. God is always in control behind the scenes.

7 June
"My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and truth." What we say is significant to a watching world only if its consistent with what we do. As we tell ppl about Christ's love, those words will communicate powerfully if surrounded by acts of love and kindness. Actions do speak louder!

2 July
Imagine, then, how it must grieve God when we ignore Him. Think of how His heart of love just break when, despite the fact that He dwells within us through the Holy Spirit, we act as if He's not there. Or consider how He must have felt when His guidelines contained in the Bible He gave us are ignored. Lets be careful not to ignore God. In ways large and small, lets keep Him in our thoughts moment by moment. We do that by reading the inspired writings He has given us; by spending time in prayer and listening for His still, small voice; by thinking about His presence; by serving others in His name.

12 July
The Bible calls the pursuit of more stuff "greed". The "good life" cannot be found in things. Instead of seeking our security by acquiring "more stuff", may we find satisfaction by investing our resources, knowledge and lives in and for His Kingdom.

14 July
Happy moments Praise God
Difficult moments Seek God
Quiet moments Worship God
Painful moments Trust God
Every moment Thank God

18 July
A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. Our view of life is restricted by our humanness, but we can trust ourselves to the One who has unlimited view! We see in, God sees the whole!

24 July
Be angry and do not sin. But most often our anger comes from our own self-interest and pride. If our temper gets the best of us, can we lose control of what we say and do. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind. When a person's temper gets the best of him, it often reveals the worst of him.

27 July
Instead, He reminds us that when it comes to caring for the minds and hearts of others, we can't rely on human ingenuity and muscle. What we really need is the wisdom of God. Without being quarrelsome or arrogant, the Lord's servant must use gentleness and patience. A blend of truth and grace in the presence of danger is more than self-protection. It illustrates for others the heart of the One we are urging them to embrace. Use caution and grace when straightening out someone who has strayed!

1 August
The joy is not in the presence of pain but in the knowledge that God is using our pain to refine us and make us better, not bitter. If we embrace adversity, then we'll learn what we should know, our grief will turn into gain. God chooses what we go through, we choose how we go through it.

3 August
Some people are like that with God. They run away from Him in fear. They don't know that He loves them and richly provides them with everything for their enjoyment. Nothing is more powerful to engage our affection than to find that we are [loved by] One who is altogether lovely. How must this astonish and delight us; how must it overcome our fear and melt our hearts. God's love is the perfect love that "casts out fear". Your loving Heavenly Father never takes His eyes off you!

6 August
God has sometimes wanted us to share our faith with someone we didn't know very well, or to give an offering that was far beyond what we usually give, or to confront someone about a situation. While we stretch our spiritual muscles, we may feel discomfort. But God assures us, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness". When you boldly step out in faith and obedience to God, you may be surprised at how a "good stretch" can strengthen your spiritual life! Our faith stretched by exchanging our weakness for God's strength.

those above were found in my phone last year, how nice.. :)

lengshan; MT

secrets credits

those really important:
-spongebob squarepants
-woodstock
-garfield
-pig
-violet
-big air
-star
-SA
-skipping rope
-caramel
-tazmanian
-astro
-butterfly
-flower
-coke
-bookworm
-touchy
-wushu
-filled room
-hilter
-underground dream

30th august

what's the most hurtful thing?
what will then make you tear on the spot?
what will make you keep thinking
until you just can't concentrate?
what will make you miss the person so much
yet you just don't want to see the person again?
what will you make you keep
looking to the future,
knowing that you will see nothing?

I thought I've learned my lesson
but the fact is, I haven't
here I am
trying my best not to think about it
but you're influencing me
wrong, it just feels so wrong

nothing beats a loved one leaving

lengshan; weird weird auntie and soya bean

tired of trying

i am falling
why do you think that your problems are always so big
why do you always think that you understands me or that i would tell you things first hand
you always get wrong with the things involving me
is studies really that important
you are the elite in your school
and i am probably the worse off in mine
i just cannot understand how is yours more tired more stressful
we have been friends for so long
and when others can tell why can't you
you dont even know where i poured my feelings to
you dont even ask
and this I am sure.

i realise as much as i wanted to let out my feelings, i can't, i can't continue talking like this about you. i tried hard to cover how i really feel and find ways to motivate you and make you at least a little happier. when i have succeeded, here you come telling me that you don't wish. i was so excited for it, but when you've said this this last minute, i feel so tired..tired of seeing you tired when i tried so hard.

but thank God for elv..she somehow always knew what was on my mind regardless of our age difference. i need not say anything and she is just always there to remind me things here and there.. thank God for her, this complementary base of me. even though she is a real bad comforter, but i love her effort and her sincerity. i love her dearly and i mean it.. i need to sort things out, asap.

lengshan; exhausted

i love my girls!

friday cell was splendid, it was so awesomely fun!! lesson wasn't uploaded so I didn't really know what to do. at first we were thinking of canceling cell but i wanna go for cell so I just went ahead, thinking of playing games, though had no idea what games to play. met tiffy first for a short study session before cell and shortly after feli came and joined us and then we went to cheers to eat bei bei mian! oh and I've also bought a packet of chips HAHA for origami purposes! so exciting! oh then tiffy suggested blind mice, what an old game.. haha cause the last time i played it was when I was in primary 3? haha and I kinda got phobia cause once I hit myself on the wall real hard. and tiffy led worship solo, so proud of her! after challenging them to do the finding bible names test we played blind mice! haha using beatrice's tight which was abit gross but we still wore. denise was our first blind mice and she's so super funny!!! she started crawling about the room aimlessly.. like totally in a lost.. SUPER FUNNY! haha this girl's action really gave us alot of laughter! i guess probably after 20 mins she finally caught tiffy. and this one is even more comical! tiffy was really fast as she swung her hands in the air, doing like the wave-like thing and it almost seemed like she knew where denise was and she kept chasing denise and denise just kept running! they both ran in circles!! HAHA gosh that was the funniest moment i have seen! HAHA i'm laughing like crazy even when typing now! haha its like one mice chasing another mice! then tiffy caught feli! and it was really funny cause in the end we ended the game because feli hit her head on the wall.. so poor thing.. hope she's alright! we were so noisy and loud that we actually disturbed the board meeting.. oops.. haha but indeed it was really really fun!! haha i guess old games are really memorable! oh and because of this we would be having games for every cell.. yeah this is just so awesome! and after the girls' exams we will be having a picnic after service! i just cannot wait!! this is the best cell we've ever had!! ") love my girls!

lengshan; shash girl ")

for that day

I was looking for something, yet, i was too hurt, so so so hurt, and it just can't be explain, i dunno why..sooner or later i would get numbed. I tried to smile and laugh as much as i can, but the opposite just keep flowing and i hate it. i really hope i could smile genuinely again, thats when hopefully this cringe in my heart would be totally gone..

lengshan; :'(

its 31st July 12 pm :D

i love the comment that my mummy gave
and i will continue to persevere on.. i would!
oh well, i try at least..

hey! i am glad you have reached there safely!
take care! :D

lengshan; honoured!

S00Ner or later

i know who is that person already.
i suddenly got this feeling that i don't know you well enough.
is this how its gonna be.
how can you just ignore.
so much effort.
and so this is just it?

forget it.

lengshan; sad and disappointed

it will be different

this shocking news which at that instant I was looking back..somehow its just so unpredictable, unexpected, I shouldn't have hidden those things, now I am guilty, sorry for it. but yet you still allowed it to be that way, not asking, respecting me. I am glad now that at least we didn't miss anything but this. many words just too hard to say. all the highness and the listening and talking I will miss it. bus, mrt rides, sitting on the holed chairs, just listening and talking.. you've changed I feel, for the better. from secular to biblical, never once didn't we failed to do so..I guess it will just be different without you. no one will come "save and drag" us away. I guess I've paid my price because you've hidden this. so we are quits. but after that period of time, we would no longer be quits okay? that eraser will be my favourite one, will always be in my pencil box. going to the oceans at night, on those both sats, I must admit that you never failed to realise that I'm always in deep thoughts.. hopefully we have been nice, and that you felt happy being with us, be it helping us solve issues or just "eating chilli", we were glad. we must climb the 104 steps again okay? hopefully the stars will be out. anyway, if you asked me about who is in that jackpot again, I will tell you. this period, it will be different, yes, I can definitely tell you it will be different. this post is dedicated to you..

I will miss you, co-creator of the _ _ _ _ _ _ (you're the fourth one).

lengshan; :(

God answers prayers!

GOSH THANK GOD!!!!!!! praise Him praise Him!
yesterday night was just so awesome! God answers prayers.. He answered!
about one week ago, I kept asking friends around me if they have extra hillsongs tickets, but of course to no avail..I was like complaining to God how badly I wanted to go cause last year's concert was great..I was really really sad.. and my friend still told me say that its impossible to get a ticket now cause he also had friends asking around but no one has extra and that his ticket itself was bought one month ago! wow.. that really dampen my mood.. so I thought maybe this year I had missed my chance so forget it.. then last night, I just happen to very thick-skinned ask carmen to add me into tracy and her conversation.. since they are discussing about worship and I happen to be online. haha while discussing and talking though of course I didn't say anything throughout the whole conversation, then carmen suddenly asked, "hey I've got 8 tickets for hillsongs concert, anyone interested?"

WAH IMM I called her and asked her if she can afford to give me 4 tickets and she said can!!!!! I was so happy, until I was really speechless. God is amazing, so amazing..okay thats the first thing..next was the preparation for denise's birthday. cause we intend to surprise her on her birthday itself but somehow its a tuesday so it might not be appropriate. carmen and I were brain-storming and then she suggested going to minds cafe so I thought like probably most of the girls wouldn't want cause its weekday, it will end late and its quite ex too..BUT tues just happen to be ladies night!!! and its free of charge!! so seems like everything is going really well! okay so the next worry is about the time.. so ah phui and I splitted to call up the girls and guess what, it happens so many of them can make it!!! everything went so well! God is really amazing, so amazing..

third thing! I was really worried for ya these few days, cause she is really sick, and how I wish I could go visit her to surprise her but I end school late everyday. but now I dont need go see her already cause she's healed already!! last night I told her about the hillsongs concert thing and since she's sick so she might have to miss the chance, though its a rare chance. hmmm but we'll have to be socially resposible and also her health.. so I told her say that if she doesn't recover by tomorrow then she really cannot go lor..I guess we both prayed really hard, and this morning she intended to go hospital if she doesn't recover from her fever, but... she doesn't need to now!!! God is so amazing, so so amazing.. thank God for everything and for hearing and answering prayers..

lengshan; thankful ><

:)

just a simple message,
where are you
and a call.
just a simple thank you.
it meant so much.
thanks you ya, ah gong and ja. :)

worthy.

don't care whether they understand or not, just share, for you never know what you are going to reap..
God You are yesterday today the same, forever. You are who is, who was and who is to come.
only You fit the criteria of forever.
everyone follows something or someone, is that something or someone worthy? if it is then you will be as special, but if its not, then you are as worthless.

who or what are you following today..

compassion for the world

every cell is always new. today's cell is as good as the last, or probably I can see that they start to bond really closely. something really touched me today and this actually kept me going, no matter how tough handling cell gets. I was asking for prayer requests and instead of the norm like studies, health, friends, or family, one of my girls denise, she asked me,
"can I pray for the families of those who suffered the jakatar's bombings?"

oh man, how sweet.. I mean like people usually pray for the people whom they know, or at least have a direct relationship with them. but this is different, we do not know the jakatar people, and we are not even related to them in any way and yet, I see this heart of compassion for strangers, people she don't know. She has the heart of compassion for the world. this really makes me ponder about the things that are happening in this world right now. I feel like I am living under bedrock that I didn't know what is going on with the world right now. somehow, whatever happens to you will not affect the world but the contrary is untrue, whatever happens to the world will affect you. pray for the world, for the world to be saved, for the world to bow to God's plans. pray for God's mercy..

lengshan; God's merciful eyes

back to basics

You saw me before I was born.
You created me for a purpose.
You knew me before I was born.

It came from the first day of the 40-day prayer book that I was reading last night. though it was late, but God had still reveal a little bit more about Him to me. He told Jeremiah that he was chosen, even before he was born, to serve the Lord and be a light for God's people. Many of us may feel that we aren't that important to God because we do not have a major breakthrough that effectively changes our lives 180 degrees. We also often want God to perform miracles in our lives and answers our questions by showing us signs. But we failed to see that actually our salvation, our first call to God, "Father" has already been a miracle. We were chosen to be His people even though we are just so insignificant. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. While we were still sinners, He saw us through the eyes of grace and took the crown of thorns and bore those painful nails. While we were still sinners and have lost our way, sometimes not knowing that we have lost our way, He found us and picked us, made a way for us. Humans have a tendency to search deeper, and yearn for things which are beyond what we already have now. Hungry for more is good, growth is good. But we must never forget to look back into the past, for the sprouting of the seedling is always the most amazing sight. The day that the Lord took us into His family is such a precious and sacred day, a day definitely worth remembering.

Go back to this day and thank the Lord, just thank Him for the salvation that He gave, and everytime you feel like giving up, remember that the Lord has never given up on you, even though we might have done the things that He detest. Whenever you feel like giving up or when situations, things and people are just so difficult to love and embrace, remember that the Lord has never give up on us and still gave us the greatest love on earth, so that we might love others. Just be thankful that in this despair world, we have God to lean on, to be loved of and to live for. No matter how tough the circumstances, it still can never be as tough as when He paid the price of freedom, when He took a lonely cross, for us.

Thank the Lord everyday for your salvation, there is nothing better than knowing that we are redeemed. pray for this same miracle for the people around you. ")

lengshan; thankful =)

:)

oh no.. this week I am so going to die.. so so so dead.. results are coming out this week.. hopefully the sat and sun outing would lift my spirits up..gosh cannot wait!!!!!!!! :)

Dumb
Eccentric
Noob
Idiotic
Stupid
Extra

and she's so thick-skinned. but I still love her.. ><

lengshan; prepare!

disappointment in this different day.

feel so uncertain now. yeah we had fun really nice fun, playing. we had no biblical fellowship, pure laughter, ended off with me doubting. somehow it seems different, very different. dunno why though.

today you told me that you had a "different" night before that and so couldn't wake up in time for something important. gosh I was really angry at that moment, but soon it turned to disappointment. I was so disappointed, so so disappointed.. I saw no seriousness, worldly influences, no thinking before speaking, going back on your word, bringing whatever you learned outside into this precious time which I was so looking forward to. I saw kindness and love though and I dunno why this kind of love is really not what I was looking for. did I have too much expectation on you guys. I admit that you are really important to me and I would want to bring us to a deeper level in God. gosh, so far I can remember, this is the first time I felt so suffocated about us and all our this planned connectedness. probably I am like that too, but I was unable to feel God in there. somehow I just wanna run away where I can be free with God, just Him alone. I was once thankful for your and that we've had a chance to grow together in Christ. I once cried because I missed the times that we were so close and we had fun together and we grew spiritually together. now, yet, my heart feels very different. I really hope that everything I felt would be wrong. still, I would work hard in what I believe that we would grow together in Christ because you guys are just so dear to me that I pray that we would all strive hard together. =)

let the Lord take us deeper. I know He will.

lengshan; I believe in us all =)

i love our horses!

today was so exciting! I met up with ya at ps and after walking around, we've decided to go suntec because I wanted to buy the watch that I've saw the last time I went suntec. and yayyy! I bought a nice yellow watch, though different from the one that I saw the last time. but this is really nice! :) so happppyyyy!!! oh oh and I am really honoured cause ya ate auntie anne's for the first time, together with me.. haha.. oh then when we were walking to marina square ya caught sight of this shop stating $5 sale so we both went in. gosh!! the soft toys are so cheap!! only 5 bucks and the brand is nici somemore.. you can surely get one of those at 15 plus dollars but here it sells only 5 dollars! super cheap! ya bought a cute horse while I got a seahorse! super nice!!! hehe actually yes, like what ya said, horses actually meant nothing to us but because we both bought horses, so horses now meant something to us.. hehe... ><

then we went to marina square and ate hotpot culture which is really worth it since its alot and its pretty healthy I guess because they provided alot of vegetables..hahaha but this dinner was great cause we talked about so much stuff, future, family, guys and cells.. awww... every meeting with ya is always so amazing... :D and the photo we took on her phone is really awesome!! so nice and so gorgeous.. two pretty girls.. awww.. >< hehe..

lengshan; love ya.. :D

what a thought-provoking chat

God has a greater purpose for our cell
beyond merely meeting together for cell group whenever convenient
maybe its not just all about is
but maybe its about what we can do towards people around us
maybe its to inspire change, spark revival
there is more than to just meeting
there is more than to just the occasional cell where we read of cell material and teach it
this year we should be bonding
helping one another to destress by having fun
so we cannot really do anything for the church
but God doesn't always call us when we are free
its at our busiest

what we learn from cell and what we do in cell thats the key
what cell inspires us, energies us to do
having another of this, helps me gain a different perspective
not only learning about God's word but also you guys
an investment in relationship between people
furthermore its you guys

sinking into complacency
we become satisfied at bonding and meeting for cell
we gotta challenge ourselves to go higher
alot more to grow
true, in everything we need growth
but how
maybe we can encourage each other to go further in evangelism,
or find some way to help the people,
or to push each other to a higher spiritual plan

when you asked me those three questions, it really got me thinking.
I cannot remember who was the last one.
I don't know where is that place of spiritual support.
I am not sure whether we are pillars of each other.

okay initially I thought everything was fine, and I am happy with the way it works. somehow, yes, I was satisfied, contented with what we are now. But everything really needs growth. This reminds me of the example taught last year, after God filled us to the brim, we are poured into a larger vessel. again, God filled us to the brim and then poured us to an even larger vessel and the whole cycle continues again. how do we then show that we are here for God's purpose and not wasting our time, or probably God's time? we need concrete solution for growth, for strengthening of interpersonal relationships. I'm really glad that we had this chat, and I'm glad that God spoke to you about this. If we are stagnant, we will be wasting God's plan and purpose for us.

Ask, Listen, Talk about one another's spiritual walk, any day any time and any how. I believe this is just the beginning.
thanks for asking about my spiritual walk, thanks for the thoughts, thanks for talking and listening and thanks for sharing. =)
though we are busy for the world but we are never busy for God's people
we have more time than we think
no such thing as coincidence?
coincidence is God's way of being anonymous

lengshan; thanks mr h =)

elsa and her world ><

today was SUPPOSEDLY a saltshakers study session but in the end only four people turn up. elsa, ivan, jess and me! though only four but haha we had fun! we learned that by crashing and opening up your paper and doing it repeatedly you can actually shrank your paper! really cool! halfway through elsa and ivan went for service and left jess and I. haha we are suppose to be studying but what happens if you put two friends who haven seen each other for long? oh well, jess and I started talking, sharing about whats going on with our lives. thank God that jess is now better in terms of family, friends and studies! =) had a really long talk, like old friends haha. gosh and this session is really good cause we planned to do so many things!! like we will be going for real, RETREAT together next year! gosh i just cannot wait!!!! =) haha and we also planned our 11 july outing and somehow it would be a post-common test celebration! so awesome! =)

after jess left, nice, super, sweet elsa came to have dinner with me and we went to bukit merah market to eat. haha its really funny why church people doesn't wanna come here. its near church, convenient, dont have to walk so far and oh well, at least its a new location, different from redhill market? haha next time should have cell dinner there, got ntuc and got sale somemore! haha oh talking about sale! gosh today i bought something which is like really nice! okay its not really very nice but i dunno why even after i paid money i felt that my heart feels so good! i bought the book angels and demons!!! I have been wanting to read this book but somehow I prefer the books which i own so that I can read anytime I want. and guess what, its second hand and so its only 5.90! so cheap! though its second hand but its feels and looks new so its mine!! elsa, this girl is really engross in her world, world of books! by the way she looks and intros me those books, wah, I think thats really her world, books. she can talk and talk about books and just books, and she sound pro and confident haha, hardly seen her so excited before so cute.. =) I think reading is a really nice habit to cultivate, so after my As, I shall read and read. haha so which means I will be more like elsa! good? bad? HAHA good! ><><

lengshan; loves elsa! =)

Leng Shan Loves Shash!

oh man! today cell was so awesome!! :) we started off by having 5 worship songs which is nice. its just so nice and sweet to be in the presence of God worshipping Him. then phui started cell teaching and slowly slowly we began to talk about revelations, rapture, tribulation, trumpet call and persecution. its a really touchy topic, pretty scary but oh well, its the fact and of course as Christians we get the opportunity to know and ought to know about the future since it concers God and us. after cell, denise, hsuen chi, beatrice, tiff, elv stayed and chatted for really long. haha so long that uncle fulong actually came into the room and scared us all HAHA. we talked and shared about many stuff like the difference between Christians and Catholics and whether issit right to do the "in the name of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit" sign. We also talked about funeral and the true meaning of bowing, like bowing doesn't mean that we are giving our lives to that person but just for respect. We too talked about down sydrome's people and their purpose on this earth, or rather God's purpose for them on this earth. for me, I feel that probably their purpose is to allow us to see how blessed we are, not mocking them definitely. oh and denise shared something which I learned. she said that Go's purpose for them on this earth might be a test for us people, whether we have the compassion, patience and sympathy to feel and care for them. wow.. thats so true. I'm glad that I've learned that, even though might be someone younger in age than me, but that obviously doesn't matter. :)

I saw tiff talking to beatrice in such loving way that I see a different side of tiff, and how she can be a caring friend. :) I've also saw change in elv, that she's bonding with the cell and obviously her SKIES are getting LAMER! haha I've also seen a maturity in denise. though I have met a match who can beat me in lameness, and that sometimes she's really high and ultra lame, but I can tell that she really hungers for God, wanting to know more that someone her age should know and the words and things that comes from her are really unique, different from what a normal person would say. somehow, I feel really attached to her. beatrice, she told saying that even though we all have different personalities but we still can click very well, which is really true. quiet and noisy, knows alot and knows little, willing to share, not so willing to share. :) of course, opposite attracts! and beatrice has this weird but awesome style of hers, its like when she hugs people, you can really feel it for she hugs hard and its like her love and emotions are being transfered to you. HAHA she's so adorable. =) for hsuen chi, she's more of the introvert kind but from the way she pays attention to what is being taught, I feel that she actually takes in more than what she expresses. gosh, I love my girls so deeply! the walk to redhill was good now... even tiff and elv can feel this tension.. oh no..I guess we will have to do it fast, like real fast. I really really really thank God for my girls.. :) oh the most interesting thing is that because we talked too much and forgot to close in prayer, we standing in one circle, in front of the church water cooler and toilets, holding hands and prayed.. so cute.. I was like smiling throughout the whole prayer.. ><

lengshan; love shash.

AH BENG JOKES ARE FAR-NEEE !

STORY 1: Ah Beng's Colours

Ah Beng went for an job interview for a sales job. When the manager saw Ah Beng's colourful attire, his mind screamed, "Not this man!!" Nevertheless he still had to entertain Ah Beng. So he told Ah Beng, "If you can form a sentence using the words I give you, then I will give you a chance!" "The words are "Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple, Black".

Ah Beng thought for a while and said "I heard the phone go green, green, and then I went to pink up the phone and said Yellow. Blue's that? White did you say? Aiyah, wrong number. Don't purplely disturb people and don't call Black, ok?"

STORY 2: Seng, Beng and Heng.

SENG, Beng, and Heng were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite at the top of a 75-storey skyscraper.

After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the lifts in the hotel had broken down and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Seng said to Beng and Heng: 'Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something else.
At the 26th floor, Seng stopped telling jokes and Beng began to sing.

At the 51st floor, Beng stopped singing and Heng began to tell sad stories.

'I will tell my saddest story first,' he said.

'I left the room key in the car!'

STORY 3: Ah Beng's Numbers

Ah beng was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
This is what he came up with

1 fine day I go 2 climb up a 3 bed-room apartment to peep. After being seen by the couple in the room, I got panic and had a great 4. The man rushed out and had a 5 with me. I run away to 6 for help. End up running into 7 eleven, I grab some 8 and throw at him and pull out a 9 to stab at him. And 10 hor ...10 hor... 10 .... he die lor..

(continuation of the story....)

.....and 10 hor .....10 hor .... I put the 9 back on the shelf and pay for 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day I 'kor' my boss to say I am 6. He say 5. Tomorrow also don need to come back 4 work. He also say go climb a 3 and jump. I don understand. I nice 2 him but I don know what he 1?

haha! i told this to my dear denise and guess what she said!

denise: LOL ! AH BENG JOKES ARE FAR-NEEE !
FAR-NEE= FUNNY. HAHAHA.
lengshan: ya i know!!!
denise: YOU DO!? THAT IS A MIRACLE.


HAHA she's so dear to me.. ><

lengshan; have a good laugh!

love being around you.

sometimes too possessive
sometimes too slack
sometimes too coward to admit
sometimes too thick-skinned
sometimes too afraid
sometimes too shy, smiling on the inside when I know I am not like that?

feelings sitting on the roller coaster, just don't know whether to get off or go on.
better get off. heartache is the consequence.

lengshan; me too ><

twin

just in case if you wondered how is it like to have a twin?
its different obviously.
its nice having each other.
when someone asked you "eh, name someone whom you think is your best friend."
both our answers would reflect each other.
how nice of course.
but something which i really really dislike.

stop comparing. :(

wait and pray for the better

I shouldn't have let You wait. I was preparing lesson, even before that I went off to settle my studies stuff.. i know studies is important but i got too distracted and how pain it felt the moment i knew i had kept You waiting..

when i asked you questions you pushed me with your frustrations over maths..deep in my heart, i know you had this habit but somehow i just cannot just pass it..seemingly so difficult, elo did it..i must learn.. when you asked me why i follow stelle and not you, i was stuck and i didn't know what to say..hmmm is it that incident which follow suits.. i dunno..

when carmen asked me whether i have talked to her after sec four, i was speechless.. my mind tells me to say yes, trying to cheat, probably even a hi would be considered, but my heart knew that i shouldn't lie, the fact is that i didn't, i didn't initiate..i wanna be true to my feelings, to myself, knowing that everything i did or i didn't do happens for a reason, be it lazy or busy, i just know that i had to be truthful especially to myself cause i cannot hide it from God.. it kept me thinking.. firstly, God allowed someone younger to bring this out of me.. secondly, while i was happy with my saltshakers, i actually had forgotten someone whom is really precious to me and i shouldn't be forgetting her..somehow i keep giving myself excuses that i am at least close to the other cm.. but if carmen is doing it and since its really important, i dont see why i hadn't done it.. its just a talk, not so difficult.. i just had to open my mouth and ask..

its really atrocious.. i seriously cannot teach and somehow that just isn't my gift.. i always dont have the right words to say and would get really nervous when i couldn't get my message across..some gave me attention while others looked away, not paying attention..i've got both responses but still it didn't motivate me.. i really want the best for them, but somehow i just cannot love and teach them this way, i am not suitable, not capable enough. it isn't that i didn't prepare, in fact i was satisfied with it but words are definitely said easier than done. somehow i am happy with it, but to say fully prepared, okay i am not. when elvina shared about her problem in school, i really do not know what to say. somehow the advice that came from me might seem godly but it just couldn't apply to what she needs.. then what is the point right..it is just different, so different.. i tried to be a good cm, at least outside cell context, but alone with my own strength i know i cannot..

guess when all things start to crash over you, even the "thing" that i have been waiting and wanting to happen has happen still didn't have much effect.. i guess i will have to just listen, pay attention, initiate, be true to myself, wait and pray.

lengshan; shall stand strong

*6th day-14th June!*

yes!! I got to talk and see today, in a kinda personal way.. when he was teasing us, my reaction got really big but you just stood still? probably you are acting blur but anyway, you might not be a DDS anymore for ya will know about you next sunday..either way, I am glad about my choice. hopefully it will out nice! :)

it keeps leaving me needing You

No matter where we are or what are we doing or even how are we feeling for that day, God still deserves to be worship. Some people are just so difficult to love, probably because of what they have done or said. In this retreat, I've learnt of some criticism about me from others and it really hurt me. But we are all called to love, just like how the Lord has loved us even though we are so flawed. I've done wrong as well, especially to ya I feel. being indecisive and always frustrated sometimes I would tend to flare up at her, but our friendship still remains strong in the Lord, how nice.. :D During devotion, we shared about how to hear God's voice. No one can literally hear His voice apart from assurance from their friends and through the way they share, I can tell they hold on to God even though they might not feel or hear from God. They perservere and this really made me ponder about the little faith that they had and forced me to look back into my heart. have I have that little faith smiling at God? I have many many doubts like why does He wanna make us study? But that faith is so important to allow us to go through this tough times. Someone told me saying that in the process of preparing for As, she actually had depression and drop-out. I know I am not so bad to have touched that stage. This made me realise that its not me who is holding on to the Lord but its His love that is holding on tight to me. With my own strength I know I can never pull through but His joy, smile, presence and love gave me strength to run the race with Him. Others say that God would be at the end of the race, at the finishing line waiting for us. But in my life, He is not only at the finishing line, He is with me at the race, while I am running, walking, crawling this race. at times He would carry me to walk on this race. He is always with us during our race and we can all be sure that once we've accepted and believe that He shall from that day onwards take and watch over our lives, we are loved by Him and He'll never let us go. How sweet..so let Him lead our lives with us and let Him take the Lordship of our lives.

I was thinking what if I would not have met this God how would my life be. Looking at the different parts of my life, I think without His guidance and love, I would gave up so easily. I guess with every aspect of my life, it always leaves me needing Him.

lengshan; God is what I need

Retreat 2009 ><

RETREAT WAS SO AWESOMELY FUNNNN!!!!!
interestingly, I went with a heavy and worried heart, but came back with a heart that actually misses retreat! firstly I was worried about the fact that I had to take up a role as a games group leader, and knowing that I will have to lead people older than me, kinda scares me. secondly, I know that I might not have the time to study there and this retreat might be a waste of time. but it turns out that I misses retreat!

seeing how corn had made the best of the situation he is in as a coach ic really encourages me to do likewise. night service kinda shocked me really alot. last year's retreat I have to admit that we so didn't pay attention but this time, I seem to able to understand and grasp the content of the sermon. in fact, all the sermons were really edifying and I got to know david more!
morning devotion is really really encouraging and I love it.. seeing how the girls responded and shared even though they might be very sleepy really made us very proud of them.. :) so straight away after dg was service and every morning worship I would be extremely thankful to the Lord for giving me such wonderful girls.. praise the Lord! ") talking about worship, I think it is one of some of the aspects that I feel that I have grown in. I used to be very distracted during worship, having super short attention span, but because we have worship twice everyday and each one gets more deeper into the Lord, I actually find myself super focused on the Lord. Thank God!
night after night service is different everyday and I really enjoyed the fun every night! on the first night, ya and I went for a walk. this walk is really special cause we have no idea why there was no one at all except the two of us. we walked along the waterfall then to the swimming pool then to the pavillion(actually its jetty). during this walk we seriously encountered numerous incidents which made us kinda run for our lives! like once we see that there are ripples on the surface of the lake we would anyhow imagine that a monster would come out! haha! oh and the funniest thing for that night was that the ceiling of the pavillion was full of lizards! lizards of all sizes so gross! then our imagination start to run wild again! we thought of probably in a romantic scene, suddenly the lizard might dropped down and came between them as a third party! so lame right. haha but that night we really did laughed alot alot. second night was very fun too cause we kept making fun of "moses" and jondi is really good at imitating jamal, latika and salim! haha so funny lah!!! and whenever they mention putput, ya would laughed like crazy and when "latika" was mentioned, I would laugh like crazy! third night we went to the lobby there and played 99 with ah gong jonjon josh and ya and poor jonjon never got to win a single round but *claps claps* to his mental sums brain! awesome! last night we played 99 again but this time with more ppl and somehow there is a cycle that if joseph kill me, he will die and if aaron definitely have the ability to kill me! haha long story but very weird indeed. this last night is really crazy cause an entertainer came to play with us and he is adlar! he is a real joker man cause he would create his own magic tricks which are so lame! haha! oh oh.. thu night was really good too.. for grace had a talk with us and we really opened up and shared alot.. I feel so blessed to have grace and ya.. ><><>< Z'ORRO!
Zorro consists of meryl, eugene, bryan, victoria lim, phoebe, victoria yue, shawn, janan and though we might not have won any prizes but we enjoyed the whole time together! :) having fun, laughing, running, swimming and learning God's word! :)
I really enjoyed retreat as every single second I know that the Lord is beside me and my brothers and sisters in Christ. the adults and youths also interacted and I can really feel the unity of Grace Assembly Of God and not within Rage only.. so nice.. =)

getting to know you then having it differently really puzzles me if my feeling so correct. it all seemed so perfect, love God and sweet in that smile. but somehow too young. so young so will then have to call you my sheep. but it just seemed so right. not sure of the future but whatever it is, God will provide opportunities, and He has his own plans for us.. >< walking bare-footed and swimming in the pool, its that all? I would always want to look for you but you stayed one more night.. just so coincident.. this year's retreat gave me new insight on what the Lord can do in other people's lives. but I want my this future target to be part of me..i love yourgenes/ yourDNA! this stupid thing that I have cultivated, knowing that it shouldn't be like that!

lengshan; love Retreat 2009

out at imm! :)

what an awesome day!! it was so suddenly and so random that elo came with us to imm. I just casually asked if she wanna join us and she agreed! we talked super alot. gosh it was so long that i have been so happy and laughed so much! we took bus to queenstown and it was really so not planned. the bus came so we just board and then took mrt to jurong.
hmmm..this mrt trip is really "enriching" cause I realised that there are actually some ppl who dont really like my enthusiasm and that I was over-optimistic, as according to them, I wasn't being practical about the situation. Indeed I was right, they aren't so comfortable with me. Its alright as as long I know that it is what the Lord wants me to do then I would go for it. and nice elo, cause she REMEMBERED my blog url, unlike nicole. I dunno tell her like how many times already lah! haha forever forgetful. also, I was simply super disappointed with the saltshakers. actually its only one of them, and I was so shocked that " " actually didn't defend me and it seems like everything infront of me was an act. I was so disappointed to the max. I guess the more important they are to me, the more I expected of them. oh but came out with a sudden surprise! my HONEYPI JOANNE gave me a cute yellow eraser! gosh I LOVE HER and I will definitely send her a message before going off. she's so sweet.. and I will bring the eraser to retreat, which I hope it can motivate me to study. HONEYPI is the best! =)
we then went imm subway to eat and we just kept talking and talking. haha we came up with many nicknames for our friends and its really funny! oh well, we definitely didn't forget what pastor cx taught this afternoon too! and I am so going to make fun of "mikepy" and her this retreat I dont care haha. we also called someone psychopath, actually elo, I cannot really think of the reason why. HAHA ya I guess WE are then questionable? hehe.. we talked super long and loud at the subway that many ppl keep staring at us oops.. haha who cares anyway as long as the three of us are together! :) oh and never forget to press the drink cover before, halfway and after drinking k!
we then went bossini to buy clothes and ya really bought so many lah! she's crazy anyway and the three of us bought three similar top and I guess we three have different opinions about what love is! haha. to elo, love is YOU and ME. to ya, love is SWEET and FAITHFUL. and to me, love is SILLY and FOOLISH! haha and we just keep playing around the fitting room, having the best fun ever! :) we then went to giant to buy fbts and the two sickening are so bad! while I was choosing my stuff, they took my bag and ran away and hide! thank God my phone was in my pocket and I tried calling them but obviously if they have the intention to hide from me they wouldn't answer so I put down the phone. just as I turned around, I saw elo with my bag and then I chased after them and I saw their blur faces looking out for me, not knowing that I was actually behind them! haha I would never forget those faces! HAHA and as we were buying cup noodles, nasty nicole wants to take advantage of err...hmmm we'll come up with a nickname for him after retreat. haha next we went to the pick-up point to take the shuttle bus back and we were really blessed to have got the backseats so that the three of us can sit together. unknowingly, we started talking about crushes. we then each talked about our experiences and how we are going to handle our crushes. elo, if you keep being so fierce.. tsk tsk.. you only have ONE more year left! ya, your process is like what the electrons will do after they absorb the sun's energy! I guess mine is the most thoughtful and well-planned, haha but I guess actions are louder than words!
awww..ya and I would really miss you elo.. retreat without you it will be different.. cause you are always the one waking us up, so that we wont be later than late. you will take care of us, give in to us and awww.. we will really miss you.. AND we would NEVER forget your sort of "maturity" which is expressed during retreat last year when you came out to us, so awesomely .......! HAHA and sadly I would have to face nicole for 24 x 5 which is 120 hours.. oh man.. that would be so unbearable! haha elo you rock!!! LOVE YOU! :) pray that the Lord would watch over and protect out this friendship of three! :)

lengshan; loves elo and ya

last day of may is a sunday!

great what a day.
honeypi came and nice talk with her. and what weird demonic stuff we have, but russell still the ultimate one, despite joanne's rainbow wallet and my awesomely cute bag. :) was totally so restless during service, was deciding which one to go, study or global prayer.. didn't know what to do until grace helped me greatly and so i went to study. oh street e was.. fun yes, but thats not the main point cause this time it felt so different. phui and i shared to this guy and his response really shocked me. throughout the conversation, he kept looking down, definitely not interested but since he was waiting for the bus so might as well listen to us.. then when we invited him to come to church this sunday, his eyes like suddenly brighten and immediately asked "where?". we both were shocked at his response. initially when we walked up to him, it somehow felt that he was too scary to approach but we just went and i thank God we did, knowing that after that experience, everyone no matter how scary deserves to hear what an amazing thing we have to share! =)

oh and today i was really happy cause i saw loser #1! so unexpectedly! it was then then i knew that she stayed near me.. so cool! i love playing the "loser bang" with her! awww.. i missed dance.......NJID rocks!
so late tmr have chinese As and i am still blogging.. thats bad.. i really need God's grace tmr cause the nj km is down when i seriously needed it.. =(

lengshan; different

that form of reassurance

revival service really gave me a new light to things, and definitely the way God works. This year's revival service, I wanted to be revived. last year, as a leader I know that I should be praying for the girls which well I did. But this year, many things have been happening so I seriously think I needed a form of reassurance from God. So I focus on God this time and not the people around me, including my girls. I tried and I tried to focus on God, having in mind that if I myself is not revived, how can i pray for people. but I have no idea why during that worship I was so distracted, simply couldn't concentrate at all.. just then, my girl standing beside me fall onto her knees. my mind was telling me to keep focusing on God and helping myself to find that reassurance that I wanted. but my heart kept looking down at her and urging me to pray for her. still, I had that thought that I need to focus on God first before I start praying for her. I struggled so hard that I finally couldn't take it and I asked God what am I suppose to do.. I stood there quiet and listened of which then He spoke. of course it wasn't the answer that I wanted but I just ying zhe tou pi and do it. I seriously have no idea what God has planned or wanted, but I just knew that in the midst of me praying for her, she didn't cried but I did. and I finally understand what God had wanted me to do. after that I just went down, so touched by the Holy Spirit. I have found that reassurance that God had planned, just that I didn't listen to Him initially. I felt peaceful after that and it really shook my heart. Thank God! =) I never knew that the Holy Spirit can speak through even praying for people, or I guess even anything. I just have to listen.

lengshan; reassured ><

it died with a glimpse of hope

geo lecture was one of the best despite the "weather" conditions haha..cause at least, its not thunderstorm whereby she would picked on us..thank God for the hot humid weather instead. next was maths lecture, and one of my fav teacher lectured us. I just realised that he cannot really lecture, haha cause he goes really fast. oh but this lecture was quite fulfilling cause the time went super fast too and amazingly, i endured a 3 hour math lecture not only without falling asleep but also wanted more after the time was up! how about that! HAHA i slept in the library then cause there's no chem lesson. then i went for dance which was okay.. nothing special. oh actually have..we played animal concentration as a dance group and it made me remembered yltc when we played animal concentration too.. miss those ppl so much! :*) and playing the bang bang game with loser #1 is really exciting cause she caught the game super fast and soon she was at my level already! but she's still loser #1. haha!

today is really memorable cause it marks the end of my phone's journey....... the last song that i heard was worship You alone.. after numerous tries of reviving it, i knew it didn't respond.. okay i sounded quite emo here. oh well, its an important date for my dearest phone. the last call i received was from ah ma h which has the highest record in my missed call list haha.. and the last message was really interesting as it comes from an unexpected person, phoebe. haha she mass sent everyone about her blog and I realised that her url was so familiar.. soon after quite some time, i realised it was so similar to my previous one.. cool.. this "secone" girl is really cute.. :) anyway i changed phone, back to the one my daddy gave me. Its so national day cause its red and white. once, i was wearing nj pe shirt and shorts which is red and white, carrying my red and white op bag with that phone in my hand and I was walking down orchard road. I felt alot of people staring at me. just then, i realised how interesting i look, probably i should just stick a singapore flag on my bag and i would look perfect.. hahahaha what an amazing experience! :)

oh well, tmr i suppose and i hope there would be no school.. =) ya wishful thinking, still have to mug.. oh but I am starting to endure my morning travelling experience. with a prayer list in my hands, i was too tired and didn't wanna follow that routine so with only two of them in mind, I prayed that the Lord will take care of my two girls whom one is my primary school best friend while the other is my girl and really praying hard that she will one day open her heart, to the cell and to me too.. sometimes i feel like I'm quite useless as a cm.. but I know that as long as I try my best to follow God's instructions, I'll be cool.. yay praise and give thanks to the Lord always! =)

lengshan; miss her phone =(

focus on God's purpose

went out for breakfast with mummi and it was really cool cause we actually drank fruit juice first before we eat our food. haha being with mummi really encourages me to go healthy so thats good. :) walking around chinatown, the things that were sold there were like ying you jin you though they aren't very nice..oh and i bought something for my friend whose birthday is next month, how fast of me. oh and while we were travelling, i practised my chinese oral by relating my experience in working at jurong birdpark to her in chinese. wah its really difficult and i really stutter alot and had alot of blanks cause i dunno how to say this and that in chinese. i really need to brush up.. if not i would just kiss my aim goodbye..just love being with mummy, she's the best and cutest mummy in the whole wide world..!

there's saltshakers cell at night at aaron place and believe it, i reach at 8.45. I knew i would take that long, but i have no idea why i just went. I just felt this urge to go and I'm glad i went. Today Ivan taught the lesson, and ironically he didn't. cause dont have alot of connection to Daniel. haha
looking at the purpose of our suffering, taking joy in it, and not asking "why is this happening to me, God?" are what i had learnt. God has the liberty to do anything with our lives, but yet He all did it with a purpose, a purpose for us to grow, a purpose in mind that actually we have the abillity to overcome it thats why God placed us in such tough situations. Its really difficult to give thanks when we are bombarded with all the worse and as if we are in the most unfortunate event ever. But i guess we will all have to lay everything down, seek God's purpose for us with understanding, letting Him have the Lordship of our lives, taking that leap of faith and follow His ways. Everytime we would ask God to take over our lives and be the Lord of our lives, but only words do not do, lets act it out. We shall let Him take charge of our sufferings and the following steps that we decide to take. its really an awesome cell, where I really gained input, after all the output that we have given to our kids, lets continue to shine for God! really thankful that He gave everyone of us everyone of us and always have this opportunity to learn and gained support from one another!

lengshan; a saltshaker ><

do not be afraid :D

God says.. "do not be afraid" and this didn't only appear once in the His word. It appears 365x (maths), three hundred and sixty five times (general paper), san bai liu shi wu ci (hua yu), 13 "nic" +1=365 (chemistry), $365 (economics), the earth has 365 days to make a revolve around the sun (geography). see, God made sure every subject that you take has 365 reasons not to be afraid, everyday of your life :D

P.S i think the chem and econs part are quite lousy.. hehe sry couldn't think of any but just so you know that God is always with you! :D

sweet tweety!

i just realise this connection between dance and me, the challenges of it i am pretty willing to bear. the joy after i had conquered it stays. oh i am so happy that you bled cause you are one of the few i have given my cute and precious plaster to.. so willing and glad.. ><

lengshan; only your passerby

where we truly belong

where we belong =)

There is no height or depth
Neither life nor death
That can take me from all that I find
Here now in Your Glory Lord

No other powers or love
The things of now or to come
There's nothing on earth in this life
That could ever separate us Lord

Your Love is never ending
To your hands we surrender
Where all our sins are washed away
Your Grace beyond reason
Has paid for our freedom
We're made alive in You

We run to Your Throne
Where we belong
Every heart will sing
That Jesus is Lord
Casting all else aside
For the joy of our Christ
Let Your Glory fall
Our hearts are filled with Your Fire

another 6 more months..

i really hated her lesson. i have no idea when this personal attack thing started and dont wish to remember it either. she totally despises me and keep criticising me. i have absolutely no clue why is she doing this to me. she wants everyone to do well this of cause i can understand. i really tried my very best to work hard, study and read her notes. when i dont read her notes she would scold me. even if i read her notes she would scold me!! i really dunno what she wants from me.. everytime when i go for her lesson i would bring a heart that is so nervous, tensed up, pressured.. even if its other people 's fault, she would link it to me and start to embarrass me in front of the whole class again.. i tried to ask her for help, knowing that i dont have a choice if not she would just keep complaining why i didn't see her for consultation.. with her attitude towards us i really dont understand why she can be a teacher in the first place.. she doesn't even care about us and would embarrass us in front of everyone.. she would personally attacked us, calling us stupid.. its not like its my fault that i am stupid.. knowing that i am weak, i really tried but she would always say "thats what i said, thats why i said".. she thought that we students are leading such comfortable lives and that she has the worse life. she keep complaining to us that "your students dunno what the teachers are facing, we will have do this and prepare that for your and yet your are not helping us" but in the first place, when we helped you, you were not appreciative at all.. its only when we didn't helped you then you start to complain. every single lesson she would harbour on the fact that i was an appeal student and that she would never ever want to accept anymore appeals. i was so hurt when she said that cause i was thought of revathy who is in id and in her class too.. rev is also facing difficulties in her that subject and i really dont wish her to face the same situation as i am in.. today i had dance and she came.. my anger fear and everything just keep rushing into my mind.. i was again reminded that i shouldn't be feeling this way.. and treating her this way.. but every minute in her class or just beside her, i would feel like i am very inferior.. its so difficult to love her.. i always wonder why can't she be like other teachers who scold us because they cared. but for her case, it is totally different.. it was as if she was venting all her frustrations on me because i was very bad at her subject.. its not as if i didn't work hard at all or i was rebellious or rude to her.. i did all her homework and i didn't even do anything wrong! she always jump to conclusions, accusing me and refusing to hear what we have to say and want everything to be done at lightning speed. i almost cried during her class this week, but knowing that God is with me, i held back my tears, reminding myself that He will pull me through.. i know He will..

this test is really difficult to bear.. but i know that i would have to submit to the authorities placed above me.. knowing that i have 6 more months to endure this teacher, i really need God's grace and His tolerance to be instill in me.. i just pray that for the next two intense weeks of seeing her.. i wouldn't break down in front of her.. i wanna let her know that i am capable to handle this and would stand strong. really thank God for vivien who would comfort me not with her words but just with how she respond.. knowing that i was really hurt by this teacher.. thks vien.. =) class without her silent support, it would be more unbearable..

lengshan; i WILL pull through

more than a mother's day

today was such a memorable day!! its worth celebrating not only because its mother's day but also i had a real deep insight with ya too.. the best friend that God has so generously blessed me with.

ya asked me to print some stuff and pass it to her on sunday morning 9 and i said i would, but today i woke up at 9.24! after i woke up i immediately grab all my stuff and just chiong all the way to church without even going to the toilet.. then on the way i just kept calling her but she didn't answer..i was very frightened so i called estelle and realised that the mass teaching had started! i raced up to the room and passed it to her.. i was like about to faint already.. but still living.. haha then i had two choices: accompany elo to cc or going tanglin mall mug.. i smsed elo and she told me that she had no cc, so i am left with tanglin mall.. but then it looked like its going to rain and i didn't bring umbrella so i couldn't go out.. just then, i heard the sounds coming from the adult service and immediately i thought,"eh why didn't i think of going for service?". But as i walked in, i felt assured that the Lord wants me to go for service which eventually its enriching for me.. really thank God for elo's not going for cc today, the rain as well as the not letting me go. its okay cause the sermon was really good, which talks about the two types of redemptive work the Lord has given in the old testament. =)

Next was youth service and i sat with sickening ah gong, thats what i wrote on my book.. haha no offense ah gong.. sitting and chatting with him is really enjoyable cause you can talk to him about anything under the sun and he will listen.. =) pastor sin giap is really funny today.. haha dunno why.. and that glass bottle somehow just feel like making itself known twice in today's service haha.. oh he said sth really cool.. when the devil reminds you of his past, you can remind him of his future which of cause its more impactful! haha oh and the last song before altar call was the potter's hand and i was immediately reminded of you fiona! seeing how God reminded me of you this way and had made me prayed for you amazes me.. praise the Lord for it.. =) thanks to rachael for praying for me, she's a really good rl.. always watching out for us, making sure that we are okay and she never forgets birthdays.. so sweet of her to remember...awww..><><

when i reached home shortly after, i had a pretty good time with my two lovely cousins, ee-en and annie! though we hardly see one another but we are almost like siblings, can joke and laugh at and with one another! haha..oh i love ee-en's white and brown bag.. and he said he would exchange with me for one day yay..... =) then soon, went to meet kor and huiping with mummy at bugis and we decided to have dinner at swensens..mummy and i wore the same shirt unknowingly.. so cool! while we were queuing.. many ppl behind went in front of us cause they had only 2 ppl..though we waited pretty long, but we've got the best seats which is at a very cosy corner! so nice.. we didn't really order alot but after we ate everything it was really filling.. haha the family bonding time is really memorable cause we just kept laughing at random stuff and since its mother's day, so the promotion package comes with a free family photo! all of us look so pretty! :) then we went shopping and i bought two giordano shirts! haha the icon-cheer you on which is already imprinted on my bag.. haha then we went cold storage shop for very long but in the end we didn't buy anything haha! but my brother and i had a mini demostration to huiping of how we fought when we were young and it was so cute and again, memorable.. thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful family.. =)

Then i talked to canath about some stuff, and honestly i quite scared to ask about some stuff.. but thank God it went well and my message was carried across in an unoffensive manner.. yay we are all siblings of the most awesome family with the most awesome Father, so we must always look out, support and correct one another in the name of His glory!

lengshan; will remember

test to a testimony

let me share this really encouraging testimony of someone i know who really grew so much within a short span of time. She's a friend of mine whom just recently became a christian. In the past i invited her but she told me that she would draw strength from the Lord knowing that He loves her and i was so touched by this reply of hers. It somehow made me guilty that i was taking things into my own hands instead of trusting the Lord to respect her decision which is "not now". Honestly, i really felt quite upset when she rejected me, though after that i feel that she had grew in the Lord if not she will not have replied that. Somehow God assured me that i shouldn't end here. Yet, due to the fact that i was busy and it slipped my mind, i didn't asked her anymore, though at times she would be in my prayer. Not that it didn't bother me, its just that i kinda lose a little faith. Then, soon she came to ask me if she could come, and i was shocked beyond max. At that moment, i just kept thanking God for not giving up on her. I keep praising the Lord at night, but at the same time the Lord reminded me that i was wrong to have not persevere. So she came and she had a wonderful experience with God, we both knew she had. Praise the Lord! =) i did follow-up with her next week, but she told me that she was busy with exams.. I felt really really sad cause i dont wish to lose this great sister who has just came into this most amazing family. After that, we never talked and i too didn't have the courage to ask her again. its been about almost 2 months from now. It seems like we've returned back to our lives. oh well..that was what i thought. I thought she had put studies before the Lord.

But tonight, i thought wrong, and i was glad that i was wrong.. she had this really major situation that she is in and it is a matter of life and death. It was really very terrorising for her. Everything in her life seems to be crumbling down. I guess all my small little worries add up also cannot compare to what she had suffered throughout these two months. If i were in her shoes, i think i wont treat the issue as courageously as she did. She must have been really stressed..then she revealed to me that that time when she came, it was because God had saved her and she had sincerely felt it. Because of this incident, i felt that she indeed became stronger, alot stronger and more dependent on God for she prayed every night even though she didn't attend church. She could felt God's presence every night as well, and that really awes me to see how much God is working in somebody else's life. And its because of this test that really convicted her never to give up on God who has been her helper, comforter, refuge and protector during this tough period. She has showed me that as long as you seek God, He will be there with you, no matter whether you are full or broken. She has also showed me that placing full trust in the Lord especially in crucial periods, is then saying "God, take over my life and be my Lord". This test is truly a testimony. I got inspired by her and definitely this strengthens my faith in God too. God truly works in mysterious yet amazing ways.. praise the almighty God who cannot be seen but He's always always there.

Praise the mysterious yet amazing God!

lengshan; more than just touched

let us not labour in vain

"if only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea." Isaiah 48:18

Sometimes we always try to do what we want, thinking that it must be good and righteous, well at least to others. However, we often forget that Someone has given His life for us, such that we must repay Him by offering our lives to Him. Also, we might tend to forget the fact that we should be working for our Creator since He is the one who has given us life, His breath of life. As we get too busy with our lives and with the people and events around us, God somehow is just left aside on the shelf. We have slog and studied so so so hard, not knowing the purpose of us doing that. We are living our lives way too fast that we didn't even have time to slow down and think of what God actually wants or had already planned out something for us. so because of our busy schedule, we would get weary easily and tired ourselves out for what purpose? before we decide to do anything, probably we should consult the One whom we are living for, Our Father, Our Creator, so that we won't be wasting our time and precious lives which are gifts from God. God says in His word that as long as we placed His interests in everything we do, we will not labour in vain. Without prayer and communication with God, nothing can work out. So let us work everything with God in mind, constantly asking and seeking God! =)

Praise the Lord for everything He has done!

lengshan; God in mind