3rd dec 2009

yes today is the day, today is the day. everything is over. one of my worse exams are over and i couldn't be happier! went to watch case 39 and its almost like the orphan which is a pretty scary but interesting show. its a thought-provoking day. many things i've missed out and these happen to be the things that i really care.

cell girls. after talking to someone who was once a CM, I realised how badly I failed being one myself. come to think of it, neither was I a good co-CM. but thankfully for God's grace, He has given me really wonderful girls who I would never thought that we could clique so well, especially elvina and tiffy. three years apart but God has surprised me with them and I am really thankful for them. serving was tough when I not only have to manage the people under me but also with the skills that a leader should possess but the two of them really made it easier and make this route of mine a lot happier. as long as I'm still in r-age with them, I will make sure that they would always have a listening ear and with my best abilities, I will ensure that they won't be alone.

you. I am really speechless when it comes to you. sometimes I really wish you could pop up when I turn my head to the right but its impossible. but yet, I won't wanna see you when the time's possible cause I wouldn't know what to say to you. all I would say is, too bad you've forgotten. people just need to be constantly cared for. I'm sorry.

family. hard in our situation for us to stay close, literally. It takes effort I know, and the world no matter whether its work or people, has separated us. busy has took all three of us away. I will try my very best to compensate what we have lost.

saltshakers. today when I met annabelle and ivan with elo, when I saw ivan, its when I know that somehow I don't have the same feeling like what I felt a year ago. suddenly I feel like I dunno them as saltshakers but as individuals. though after service I would run to them and spend some time with them but unknowingly, I have referred to them as joanne, elsa, charlene, ivan, aaron, josh, russell, jess, hilary and kenneth, no longer saltshakers. I hardly even see cheryl now. how I wish I could turn the clock back to a year ago, when we are still so close, have the same tune and share the same self-active living testimony. I miss them terribly I realised. I will make the effort for us to be together again, I would.

elo. though I've known her like real long, four years, but its only today then I realise how much she has changed, grew. sometimes I feel that we can talk about anything but at times, I know that we still aren't close yet, not to the point when she would flare up at or complain to me. she's a really special girl and friend who amazes me with her answers and maturity. this friendship is one that I would never want to give up cause I dunno why its when she is around then I feel accepted and know that she would understand. I will make sure this friendship grows.

ya. half of the time, we cliqued perfectly. the other half, either one of us is polar bear or penguin, one at north and the other at south pole. actually what I realised is that most of the conflicts that we've had are due to the fact that we cared for each other and don't wanna lose each other. there is really no room for comparison and nothing to compare at all cause God is the centre of our friendship to begin with, to continue from any point and at the ending line. without any words, we knew we can never lose each other and yes, just each other's presence is really all that we need. I will never let us go and I am glad that we faced As together cause its one of the toughest time.

lengshan; always a saltshaker