feel so uncertain now. yeah we had fun really nice fun, playing. we had no biblical fellowship, pure laughter, ended off with me doubting. somehow it seems different, very different. dunno why though.
today you told me that you had a "different" night before that and so couldn't wake up in time for something important. gosh I was really angry at that moment, but soon it turned to disappointment. I was so disappointed, so so disappointed.. I saw no seriousness, worldly influences, no thinking before speaking, going back on your word, bringing whatever you learned outside into this precious time which I was so looking forward to. I saw kindness and love though and I dunno why this kind of love is really not what I was looking for. did I have too much expectation on you guys. I admit that you are really important to me and I would want to bring us to a deeper level in God. gosh, so far I can remember, this is the first time I felt so suffocated about us and all our this planned connectedness. probably I am like that too, but I was unable to feel God in there. somehow I just wanna run away where I can be free with God, just Him alone. I was once thankful for your and that we've had a chance to grow together in Christ. I once cried because I missed the times that we were so close and we had fun together and we grew spiritually together. now, yet, my heart feels very different. I really hope that everything I felt would be wrong. still, I would work hard in what I believe that we would grow together in Christ because you guys are just so dear to me that I pray that we would all strive hard together. =)
let the Lord take us deeper. I know He will.
lengshan; I believe in us all =)
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