another 6 more months..

i really hated her lesson. i have no idea when this personal attack thing started and dont wish to remember it either. she totally despises me and keep criticising me. i have absolutely no clue why is she doing this to me. she wants everyone to do well this of cause i can understand. i really tried my very best to work hard, study and read her notes. when i dont read her notes she would scold me. even if i read her notes she would scold me!! i really dunno what she wants from me.. everytime when i go for her lesson i would bring a heart that is so nervous, tensed up, pressured.. even if its other people 's fault, she would link it to me and start to embarrass me in front of the whole class again.. i tried to ask her for help, knowing that i dont have a choice if not she would just keep complaining why i didn't see her for consultation.. with her attitude towards us i really dont understand why she can be a teacher in the first place.. she doesn't even care about us and would embarrass us in front of everyone.. she would personally attacked us, calling us stupid.. its not like its my fault that i am stupid.. knowing that i am weak, i really tried but she would always say "thats what i said, thats why i said".. she thought that we students are leading such comfortable lives and that she has the worse life. she keep complaining to us that "your students dunno what the teachers are facing, we will have do this and prepare that for your and yet your are not helping us" but in the first place, when we helped you, you were not appreciative at all.. its only when we didn't helped you then you start to complain. every single lesson she would harbour on the fact that i was an appeal student and that she would never ever want to accept anymore appeals. i was so hurt when she said that cause i was thought of revathy who is in id and in her class too.. rev is also facing difficulties in her that subject and i really dont wish her to face the same situation as i am in.. today i had dance and she came.. my anger fear and everything just keep rushing into my mind.. i was again reminded that i shouldn't be feeling this way.. and treating her this way.. but every minute in her class or just beside her, i would feel like i am very inferior.. its so difficult to love her.. i always wonder why can't she be like other teachers who scold us because they cared. but for her case, it is totally different.. it was as if she was venting all her frustrations on me because i was very bad at her subject.. its not as if i didn't work hard at all or i was rebellious or rude to her.. i did all her homework and i didn't even do anything wrong! she always jump to conclusions, accusing me and refusing to hear what we have to say and want everything to be done at lightning speed. i almost cried during her class this week, but knowing that God is with me, i held back my tears, reminding myself that He will pull me through.. i know He will..

this test is really difficult to bear.. but i know that i would have to submit to the authorities placed above me.. knowing that i have 6 more months to endure this teacher, i really need God's grace and His tolerance to be instill in me.. i just pray that for the next two intense weeks of seeing her.. i wouldn't break down in front of her.. i wanna let her know that i am capable to handle this and would stand strong. really thank God for vivien who would comfort me not with her words but just with how she respond.. knowing that i was really hurt by this teacher.. thks vien.. =) class without her silent support, it would be more unbearable..

lengshan; i WILL pull through