when september ends

annoyed at myself. irritated with myself. its on and off. I have no idea if the answer to the question that I keep asking people is a yes or no myself. sometimes I think grey lines are good, but in this case, no it is not. you should be concentrating on sth worth investing which benefits people, and not yourself. the situation isn't that grave and nothing has been revealed to the surface entirely so no worries. you have to think logically but not based on feelings. you might think you have the whole thing under control and that it would work out, but when things get going, you find that you've lost your objective and that perfect dream which you fantasise before will soon burst before your eyes.

people are just a difficult issue cause they make you use alot of your tissues. how nice. photos stay and they won't fade away, smiles remain and you would find yourself either smiling like an idiot, or crying like an idiot. people just don't get what you are trying to say, even though you might ask them to do this but not actually meaning it, they would follow and obey what you say, and not whats in your heart. I have no idea what to do with this, probably I should let it stand, or just let it fall once and for all. honestly, I see no future and probably I should just, see how. ok, you are like a mystery yet not. you are either too smart for me to probe into, or too innocent that I wont think about what you are thinking. how much I wanted to blurt everything out. but I know it will change everything. a part of me is telling me that what I was thinking about is garfield, not you. you do not live in my life, and thats all I can say now, so far.

have you had the feeling in which initially you wanted this thing so badly to happen, but when its about to happen, you actually don't want it and somewhat regreted it? everytime I see you, thats how I feel. everytime. I have absolutely no idea how much I have given up my time and effort, to yes, do silly things for you, without you knowing.

I dunno what you want, and neither do you know my heart.